Dear Judie,
My sister and I visited Aunt Lucy at her assisted living community last week. We said, “Hi Aunt Lucy;” she answered, “Come in, how nice to see you again.” Then we kissed her hello and she said “Who are you?” We answered, “Your Brother Bobby’s daughters, Patty and Joan.” She said, “I’m Lucy, but I don’t know Bobby or you.” I haven’t stopped crying since. Joan thinks she’s guilt-tripping us because we don’t visit too often. I think she’s got Alzheimer’s. What do you think?
Patty, Vero
Dear Patty,
No one can identify Lucy’s problem without a diagnosis from a board certified neurologist, but we doubt she’s punishing you. You experienced the same devastating feelings other families encounter when loved ones with dementia lose their long-term memories and no longer recognize beloved wives, husbands, children, siblings, and grandchildren. The pain is incalculable. You’ve taught us all a valuable lesson. If you’re an infrequent visitor to a resident in an assisted living community or nursing home you’ll avoid unpleasant surprises and have a more enjoyable visit if you talk to someone who visits more often for an update on your friend’s or relative’s current status prior to visiting.
